I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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