At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Sacagawea was the original milf.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
