Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Randomize
