somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Randomize
