He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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