Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Randomize
