and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
