why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
