Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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