My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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