So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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