The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
