two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
