end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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