Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
