I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
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