her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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