Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Randomize
