"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
