i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
