I would go down on you faster than GM stock
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
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