Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
