My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Randomize
