I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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