So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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