New invention idea: vibrating tampons
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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