Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
