I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
