The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
