we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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