i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
