someone get that fucking seahorse.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
