Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
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