You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
