I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize
