I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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