i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
