is your mom at the bar?
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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