It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
