It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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