I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
