I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
