I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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