Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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