beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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