i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
