Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
