I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
