Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
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