I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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