I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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