I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
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