So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
