you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
